I chose not to see her.

Sure, I knew she existed. We shared mutual friends and grew up in the same small town. Finally, in college, our paths crossed. If you had asked me, it was just her getting in the way of what I wanted. So I chose not to see her because it was easier that way to justify my actions. I had allowed for someone’s words about her to devalue her, to remove her humanness away so that I could dismiss her feelings and not even consider how my actions would affect her.

But my actions did affect her in a way that leaves a deep mark on the heart. At the time I would have told you it was no big deal, but it was. It was to her and it should have been to me. And she had every right and reason to hate me. I chose not to see her. 

And then two years later, as my heart was laid out in scattered pieces for all to see, she had the perfect chance to get me back. Every chance to laugh at me, to call me names, to dismiss my fragile humanness, as I had done to hers.

And instead, she chose to see me and to burden my grief alongside me. It started with a simple note reminding me of who God said I was, instead of spreading lies about me. She reached out, drew me near, and comforted me in a way only someone with a previously broken heart could do. In a moment when I was easiest to attack, she used her words to rescue me and restore my soul. It was the most beautiful picture of grace that I have ever experienced, even to this day.

She was a living picture of Jesus and her redeeming love broke me with a strong conviction to do the same for others.

I will be the first to say I do not do this well. Selfishness is the root of all sin and hurt, and it is a thorn in my side. Yet with the awareness of my own sin coupled with a tangible picture of grace, it is my strongest intention to live a life of integrity and to see others with love and grace.

Each day, we are given opportunities to choose who we see. And so often, we willingly turn a blind eye.

To the souls that are hard to love,

To the awkward and funky hearts,

To the ones that are in our way.

To the people who hurt others.

To the hearts who are out for their selfish gain.

To the souls we do not understand or know.

To the person who dismisses others.

To the people with whom we disagree.

To the outsiders who are not in our tribe.

The list goes on. 

We use our words to take away their dignity and their role in our human system. We laugh at comics and memes that display their exaggerated flaws and foolish beliefs. We polarize ourselves through name calling and shaming. We classify other human souls who were made, as us, in God’s image as “good, bad;” “us, them;”  “moral, corrupt;” and “right, wrong.”

We lump others into a category and shove them out to sea, hoping they will land on the island with all the other misfits and never come back.

We name call because it is easier to attack an ambiguous word than a human. And the thing is, once we have removed one’s dignity and ability to belong in our pack, we are more likely to approve of harmful acts of selfishness, violence, and murder.

As America further divides itself, we are removing others' ability to have multiple dimensions of the head and heart. We are a nation of divisive name calling, and to be honest it is disgusting from any mouth, no matter where you identify. We are taking out the grey middle; the freedom to be “this, and…” And it is crushing who we are as people. It is removing life's opportunity to experience, learn, convict, and ask questions. But most importantly, it is neglecting Jesus’ living example of how to love & treat one another.

During his three years of ministry of earth, Jesus intentionally was teaching the Church universal how to live amongst one another here on this beautiful planet.

His business was to rehumanize those of whom society stripped from all human dignity.

Jesus ate with liars, thieves, racists, religious bigots, non-believers, prostitutes, and political leaders who wanted to get ahead. He showed grace and compassion through healing touch, making breakfast, telling stories, and drawing near. Yes, he used stories to convict selfish, hardened, and misunderstanding hearts, but never to shame, never to dehumanize, and never to dismiss. Jesus was in the business of restoring dignity to all--because all have been made to reflect the image and character of our loving and forgiving Creator, just as all have fallen short of doing just that.

As we are made to emulate Christ, we have the same power and privilege to restore broken hearts and to draw near to the outcasts.

The same mouths with which we mutter offenses were made to speak boldly words of forgiveness and belonging. The same eyes with which we turn away from situations that make us uncomfortable were made to be opened with curiosity at how uniquely beautiful each human heart and mind can be. Our hands were not made to strike, pull a trigger, or draw lines, but rather to hold others and extend portions of compassion.

The question we must ask ourselves is: do we believe that the grace of Christ is enough to offer the same grace which we have received to others?

Are we honestly living as Jesus would or are we shaming one another into a box that we were never meant to build in the first place?

**Full disclosure: this piece has been on my heart for several months, but I struggled to find the words. I do not know everything about humanity, Jesus, grace, restoration, or loving others well. I certainly do not know everything about history, religion, politics, sexual orientation, race, and injustice. Those are the two facts I know. But I also know that there is a call for us to speak out against injustice, no matter how imperfect our words may be. There is also a call to extend grace and kind words of correction when we see others attempting to do just that. I tried insanely hard to keep this post in the middle as I believe we ALL need to get better at loving with truth instead of shaming out of fear. There is a time for correcting harmful actions, yes. But those corrections should never be done in shame, but rather a humble, loving heart and educational words. We can all agree that freedom of opinion, words, and beliefs is a beautiful privilege. And yet, with this privilege comes a necessity for responsibility and respect. We can do better. We all can do better.