on choosing celebrations over expectations.
Growing up in the church, I have always heard people talk about marriage as a sanctifying process. And until I got engaged, I thought marriage was where I would be molded the most.
But then I started wedding planning.
You see, I have always struggled to live between my expectations and reality, or should I say, other’s expectations and my reality. My heart sways like a wave between voices that I value, and this smaller voice of my own which I, more often than not, fail to trust. Add Pinterest and southern wedding culture into the mix and I was done before I began wedding planning. Luckily God blessed me with an insanely practical and patient partner who lovingly demands to hear my own desires above others’. So when we were finally alone and out of 3G coverage on a 16 hour road trip, my loving man helped me come up with our “must have” list for our wedding. And much to my “every water bottle needs a customized sticker” loving friends’ dismay, we decided on the following:
God needs to be glorified through a separate worship service.
Only our ride or dies are invited.
It needs to be a celebration of our closest friends and what God has done in our lives.
Let it be a celebration indeed! We decided to say our vows at the end of a long 50 foot table while our 40 guests ate family style Italian food. No separate ceremony and reception. No aisle to walk down. No glitz and glam. Simply a wedding celebration marked by a carb-filled feast, laughter, and twinkling lights in the trees under a West Texas sky. It sounded perfect.
And I’m sure it was. But I was not there.
I mean, yes, I was physically present. I eagerly said “I do” and smiled for pictures. But instead of feasting and laughing under the lights it took two days to hang, I was preoccupied by making sure everyone else was enjoying themselves and that the night was living into their expectations. I was thinking about how the caterer didn’t make the right food. I was trying to find someone to turn up the music because I did not think it was loud enough. I was busy and frantic and missing the entire wedding. But more importantly, missing the entire point: to let it be a celebration. To celebrate the incredible love and blessings God had bestowed on my groom and me during this season with the 40 people we held the most dear. I missed my chance to accept this new calling in my life, to enter into a lifetime of love and ministry with an incredibly good man of God.
Our wedding day was significant for all the romantic reasons, but for me personally, it served as a wake up call and I made a new vow the next day.
My vow was to not miss the celebration for the expectations again.
With Advent season upon us, I am at war with myself as I remember this vow. There is an overwhelming list of things to be done and an even stronger sense of need to make THINGS PERFECT.
It reminds me of a young girl named Mary who’s life was completely altered by an angel and a holy birth. Unable to fathom how I’d respond to the pregnancy news if I were her, I am astonished by her willingness to choose celebration over frantically trying to meet the expectations of her family, betrothed, and society. After the angel visit, I would immediately Google for the most recommended baby products, yet she begins to sing her celebration song, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” No Pinterest. No heightened expectations. Just a still, strong voice singing praises of celebration into a beautiful new season.
