on being content with enough.
As I rationed out knock-off brand “cheese flavored flaky squares" that we allow ourselves to purchase once a month, William chuckled and said "This is how you know we've made it." So, I did what any good wife would do, I took two of his and popped them in my mouth.
I have struggled lately to be open about this because I do not want to come across as ungrateful. Something I pray I am not. We honestly strive to live minimally and generously.
With that being said, I am personally struggling with understanding my desperate desire for materialism. With a new city, new job, and new husband in graduate school, my financial situation is also new to me. We have gone from two middle class single, full time employees to a family unit with one steady income. Naturally, it has been an adjustment for both of us.
Honestly, we have crunched the numbers to the extreme. We sold a car, live in a 700 sq foot basement, walk/bike to work and school, cook all meals, and rely on sales at the grocery store. We are doing insanely well and on a real heart level, I would not trade supporting my husband and his ministry for the next 3 years for anything. Through cooking together, ALL the walking, and nights spent Netflix binging, we have grown so much closer and throughly enjoy the little life we lead. The best part for me is that less room means less stuff and less cleaning, so hollatyagirl.
But like I said, it’s only on a deep heart level I know that we have exactly enough.
You see, it’s fall. Stores are overflowing with pumpkins and cup mugs. Beautiful and warm decorations inscribed with all of my favorite words like “gather” and “feast: are on display. There’s a specific bread loaf pan that wistfully says “I knead you,” but it is wrong, because I KNEAD IT. I actually had to leave a store the other day because self control and my husband’s voice kicked in. I knew I was going to be in a full heap of blissful, glutinous, fall decor trouble.
We are not going without by any means. But I am finding myself rationing out knock-off brand “cheese flavored flaky squares” like my life depends on it. We’re also wearing clothes with holes in them or stains because we do not have it in the budget to get a new wardrobe every time the husband or puppy eats.
So I am in this weird, gluttonous dilemma. On one side, we’ll call her “the good side,” I am beyond content. We have chosen the careers we have and the life we feel called to lead. We chose smaller incomes for a greater Kingdom impact. We understand what a privilege it is to even say that. We do not want material things to run our lives and truly feel freed at the chance to be forced to live minimally. We have enough, not more, not less. And isn’t enough all we need?
But then there is the dark side, we’ll call her “Pinterest girl.” She's the sinful side of my heart where comparison, greed, and the stupid need to impress people surface. This is the same side that complains about being too tired to cook and begs to just go out “some where cheap.” Every. Night. And the same side drooling over what everyone else appears to have on social media.
We neglect to remember that everyone filters and foolishly believe it is only natural that we should have what they have. Relative depravity is a real thing.
During this season, I can very clearly see materialism’s lies and I so desperately want to be confident in the financial path we chose, but I am having a hard time adjusting. Maybe worst yet, I am struggling to not give into the thinking that “it won’t always be like this.”
How's that for idolatry? I allow myself to find hope in a more secure financial future that may or may not exist. So when I confess these truths and struggles to the Lord, I am convicted with the questions:
What if minimalism is a life long lesson and calling God has placed on our hearts and I am just selfishly wishing it away instead of allowing my heart to be changed through it?
Doesn’t Scripture tell us to be faithful to the portion we are given?
Doesn’t Jesus tell us we are not able to serve two Masters?
One will always win our hearts, and what a beautiful gift we receive through the opportunity to make that Him?
And then I am reminded that we have been called to be foreigners in this world. When you go to a hotel for a visit, most likely you do not make the effort to unpack your suitcase into the drawers. How true should that be of our lives here as well? Why am I bothering to unpack and decorate a temporary home. Does my money not have a longer effect when we generously give it to organizations who are currently doing Kingdom work?
This season, for richer or poorer, is a chance for us to intentionally ensure our finances honor and glorify God.
It does not mean it is easy. But I have to remind myself that God hasn’t called us to easy, He has called us to a life of faith, a life of trust, a life of dependency on Him for provision and worth. Who am I to want anything other than a loving Savior? No amount of fall decorations can fill that type of void.
